MONDAY

After doing the 'painting at the edge of the world' project, I really understood the importance of artist research and knowing the intention behind the work.

For this PPP project, although I am still not 100% certain I want to create something that is related to Cy Twombly's working style which is 'heart to hand' and the relationship with words. 

For this project, I am really hoping to find my own style of working and the materials I am best at using. 

I am now trying to think of a project that allows me to expand the painting communication, which is also related to the project before. For the past few weeks, I have been trying how to create emotional bond between the audience and the artist, so I want to find out while doing this project. Filling out the forms, I was actually surprised how different I approach to painting before the course and now. Because I am now interested in DADA-ism and surrealism style, I want to try and develop it to this generation and see how some parts remain the same and some changes from back then.

WEDNESDAY

While reading the 'image of art therapy' I found a chapter called 'the scapegoat and the talisman; transference in art therapy'

It was really interesting reading about how an art can work as a talisman, and emotional investment in the descriptive picture. Although this chapter is called 'art therapy' it also talks a lot about the existence of art, how art really does to our feelings. 

MONDAY

When I think about why I like some artwork, I found out that those work gives me a finding. Not only the work  itself is good, it makes me realise about the feelings that I never thought about it existed, and the way to understand what I was feeling. 

My goal for this project is very similar to this. I've done 2 drawings today, thinking about how to bring the unconscious emotions to conscious. 

First drawing I've done was based on a dream I saw recently. The dream is about going to a big palace and being electrocuted by a piece of stick, shoved into my ear. I remember this dream very vividly, because it was not my first time to watch this. The atmosphere in the dream is very bright and beautiful, but in comparison what I experience there is very frightening and even after I wake up, I get chills from the scariness and the creepiness. It was actually my first time feeling pain from the dream, which made me feel much more impact than other dreams. 

I decided to draw from my dream because dream analysis was quite mentioned in art therapy books, saying it does have a common factor.

I was always the type who couldn't work without having a picture or a source to draw. But today, because I have to work with unconscious, I decided to not use any reference and draw only by memory. 

I drew from the ear first, because that was my highlight in my dream and worked through other parts of the body.  I realised that while I was drawing, I felt that pain again, and without realising I was putting that pressure of the pain to the pressure of the pencil. 

I added my image of colours on to the drawing, however, adding colour was not a good idea because it  became quite far from what I actually felt. I think this was because there wasn't any importance in adding colour to the drawing as, I did not really feel the presence of colour in my dream as well. By adding elements that wasn't necessary made the drawing look more out from what I wanted to express. 

WEDNESDAY

I drew using both pen and oil pastel, combining both elements I've done yesterday.

I felt much more comfortable working this way, as it gives me much more possibilities in working with both of the materials. I also felt much more calm while drawing these comparing to last few days. I realised that I am starting to be able to draw without hesitating first. 

First drawing is a combination of the figure I did on yesterday. I still find this posture interesting and fun to draw. I added colour later on, just going with my instinct.

Although the posture it self is not a positive figure, the colours created the overall drawing to look more bright and don't give any dark feelings. 

I think this is because I know that I am now struggling about this project, but also know that it will work as a breakthrough to make something better.

This drawing itself contains too much colour that made the drawing out of place. It is quite hard to decide where to focus on, and the mood of the drawing is also hard to understand. To make this drawing better, I would put more focus on restricting colour, (not use too much green) and blending. 

The next drawing I've done was a dog. I was actually surprised that I chose instantly to draw a dog, because animals are what I don't draw often. 

I personally think that this dog looks more like a doll rather than the actual dog, and a bit emotionless. Dog is known for giving unconditional love to others. I watch videos of dogs quite often to feel happier. It could be that I was looking up to the existence of dogs, how they make people happy which is also not exactly the same but close to my goal. 

I think this drawing is quite successful as the subject is very clear(dog) and the atmosphere of it is bright but also a bit mysterious as the dog does not give the audience clear emotion. And that contrast is working well, I also think the composition was successful too, by drawing the dog the bottom left of the paper, leaving the space giving the presence of the size of the dog. However, I don't think this drawing is giving the audience any emotion, so in a way, it is not successful working as a drawing of 'transportation of emotion'  

I

This is a drawing of a chimney with smoke coming out from it. The colours are all warm and bright, I also find myself being relaxed and happy while I was drawing this. 

I think this is the drawing that looks the most child like drawing, and it would be hard for the audience to guess the drawers age. The symmetrical composition is very simple and basic, the choice of drawing the chimney is common for drawing too. However, I like how there is no other information added other than chimney and it gives the audience to think about where this chimney might be at. 

It is quite hard to know if this drawing is giving emotions but it would be interesting to work on this drawing more by using this child like composition, and paint it with oil paint. 

This drawing reminds me of a picture of a baby in mothers stomach or a cell. I think the reason I drew this is quite similar to the reason I drew a dog. The mother gives the child love and teach them to live. Similarly, because my goal is to create a therapeutic change by giving answers to the viewers about their unconscious emotion, so it connects to the reason of drawing this figure. 

I find this drawing expressing the most, and think this is the most powerful one comparing to other drawings.

This drawing would be the one I would develop further on, because I like the shape of this cell-looking. I think I will recreate this drawing by painting using oil paint, so that the colour blending and the texture would be more slimy and wet. With the colour, I would keep it like this, using pink, yellow and orange (warm colours) but focusing more on putting focus on red and purple. 

After doing art therapy drawing/painting method by myself using different medium, I realised that I would not call the works I’ve done “forms” of my unconscious/emotional state. My unconsciousness and my emotional state changes throughout spending each day of my life so as the viewer who will see my work.

First painting using oil.

Using the elements from the subconscious art therapy method drawing, I thought using those method is more convincing. I painting this, and was surprised how I was being able to, not 100% but show some sort of raw emotions to the canvas. I found working with oil paint was a successful part, as the brush strokes, the thickness of paint ones out directly and it comes out just as the way I paint, which connects with my body actions which is connected to raw emotion and mind as well. 

I feel like this painting looks more like a landscape of my mind and my emotional state. It looks like a big mountain with woods around. I think this actually connects to my own culture as mountains are very close factor with Japanese and there are lots of paintings of it, and people find calmness and strongness to it. 

I think this painting expresses calm emotion, I also didn't feel strong emotion while painting as well. I only used two colour, red and yellow. These two colours have been really important for me for this project, because red is able to make the viewer think in any way comparing to other colours and I also feel the strangeness of the red colour as well. I think using these two colours wisely lead to successful outcome. 

To work more further on this, because its hard to see the deepness or the depth in painting, I would create the base first, let it dry and work on it. 

This next painting is one of my most unexpected outcome. I started with creating background first using red and green, using a roller. However, during this process I felt a strong emotion that I wanted to express on this canvas. But after adding paint, I felt like the painting was in a mess and not working successfully. Which is why I brought out roller again to make it to a background, but while I was rolling, I realised how interesting the paint was becoming. I decided to keep the paint like this, and then worked more by using a roller not for blending but crating a shape. I did add few paint using thin brushes to make some part strong and create a focus point. 

I think the fact that I created something so unexpected actually links to the theme of unconscious to conscious, as I feel like I brought out my unconscious feelings or my action of painting actually abled to bring out my unconscious mind to conscious.

My friends told me that the painting looks like a heart shape, and also a digital artwork which was interesting to hear. I personally see this painting more as a figure of my emotion not a figure of something that already exists.

Third painting. Using oil paint and spray paint. I really liked using spray paint before so I tried adding it. However, I think this painting overall became unsuccessful, as there is no focus point or the unity in the painting. I don't think anyone would see their inner-self again looking at this. It really left the viewer and the work is existing by only itself. 

Wednesday

oil paint. wood, transparent paper

Tried painting figurative things, getting reference from (atlas of facial expression)

I personally found interest in using the method of putting transparent paper onto the painting and slide it, as the result is unexpected and wanted to see how transparent paper works with oil paint. 

The outcome on the transparent paper is more successful than the one on the wood. I think its because of the work really is in the line of working subconsciously and unconsciously. The transparent paper left some important aspects of the audience to recognise the face, but also making it hard to notice from the first time watching it. The expression is also unclear which makes it better to attract audience to observe more. 

I think I will try working with bigger scale and different paper to see which works the best.

combination of abstract painting and art therapy element. 

I personally think this painting was unsuccessful as theatre therapy drawing element was not a match to use with the abstract painting. 

WORKING ON CANVAS

Thinking about working in abstract expressionism way

I added layers and layers of paint looking at how to create the depth for the viewers emotion to go in. However, I think the paint was soaked to the canvas too much and because I have been working with the surface such as canvas, and paper, it made me miss the texture of how the paint is 'on' the surface and how the brush strokes and the motion of the paint were shown. 

I like the texture of the painting overall, but I think the choice of the colour was unsuccessful. 

Yellow colour turned out quite far out of place, and I personally think if I chose different colour such as dark brown or blue for that part, it could've might been successful. 

For this painting, I used much more paint comparing to the red one so that the paint movement will show.

I tired the combination of art therapy drawing and abstract painting again, but thinking more as one painting not just adding. I decided to draw this goat because I felt really strong emotion to this drawing itself. I liked the simpleness in shape, the colour and the word 'sin.' Which is why I didn't change from the original one. 

Many people described this painting as 'cute' which was surprising because I never thought this painting looked cute. I think its because of the characterisation of goat. But the contrast with the word sin, the background and the goat works well, and want to focus more on it thinking about what is the best material, background and sizing that goes well with this goat. 

Saturday

Tried painting lamb on the abstract paintings I've been doing before. Adding on to a painting which was created not a background but as a painting itself. 

After lining up the few paintings of the lamb, I actually liked how it is starting to turn out.

By repeating the lamb figure, it gives the viewer imaging the reason behind the lamb and this simple figure started to become really powerful. However at the same time, I feel like all the paintings are so easy-made which in overall makes the painting look really light I don't really like. I want to make it look like an actual proper drawing, so I am thinking more of creating the relationship with the background and the goat figure. 

With the project aim, more than thinking about transporting emotions with the viewer,  I'm thinking about painting for who is having hard time in looking inside of their heart and emotions, and not knowing the reason of the feeling that is inside their heart but still considered about it. 

monday

I worked on the base using wood and acrylic. Comparing to canvas and oil, the base looks really light and not heavy.

I liked how light the background was and the wood pattern made the depth of the background. 

I tried drawing using pastel and it created the atmosphere of 'drawing' more than 'painting' which I found the contrast of wood background and pastel interesting. I am thinking of doing this method with different background and size. 

WEDNESDAY

Tried painting on larger scale of wood, using oil paint and acrylic. 

Subtracting the goat/sheep drawing, the painting ended up looking more landscape, not painting but more like a 'drawing' a child did. 

This first painting, I used yellow as a background. However, I think the yellow created the atmosphere too light and shallow.

The colour yellow is too strong here. I worked a bit on the red shape, making the edge blurry so that in overall the painting don't look childish.

The sin part is the hardest. I always feel like its the part that defines the painting the most. And I think for this one, sin part was actually unsuccessful and looked too easy. Im trying to think of a way to make the sin part not too childish but not too heavy/meaningful, but more like a code of something that tells more to the viewer themselves.

Apart from that, I like the wood background as it creates depth and the combination between the shapes. However, need to work more on how to make the shapes much more like a painting element.

The second painting I did.(unfinished)

For this one, I chose blue for the background to see how it will blend in with the sin part. I haven't added any paint on the sin, just the pastel. 

Because this painting is unfinished, I'm thinking about after drawing all the elements, I can add on the blue colour again to create the depth in atmosphere more, or blend in a lot to the point where it'll be hard for the viewers to actually understand what is drawn.  I think by this, the painting works as an abstract painting and I wanted to see if that is successful or not. 

After looking at these two paintings, I realised that both compliments each other. The yellow background looks like a painting of sun, and the blue background one looks like a painting of moon. I think this contrasts between each other makes the viewer to stay in the middle of this two paintings, and able to communicate. the contrast is like day and night which was interesting cause it was completely unintentional.

I also want to try focusing more on the background. Talking with tutor yesterday, I'm thinking of using architecture elements as well and adding more elements to this drawing to see more part of the unconsciousness. 

More over, I think I can try and use from the elements I and everyone see everyday such as bus or house. Draw them in daily life and combine with it. So it will look like the sheep drawing is something like a representation of what we experience daily life, and its something we don't usually feel or see, but make it come out visually/ 

Monday

Finished working on this piece. 

Its not shown on the photograph but there is also a word 'red' 

I chose to write 'red milk' because it was what was described as, with what the patient drew, how he coloured the milk in red which I found so powerful and caught my attention.

I worked with oil paint and I actually thought the combination with the red paint and the wood was successful. 

Working with hard surface was very easy to work as the paint directly shows the paint brush moves, and also easy to blend the colours as well. 

So far, I feel like this painting is the most successful comparing to other paintings I've done, as it does look like 'painting' and feel like I was able to actually combine 'abstract expressionism method and art therapy drawing elements' together to one painting. 

However, thinking about if the viewer can think back to their inner self or feel the emotions by looking at this painting, I don't think I was able to success. 

I feel like the painting is still quite unfinished, and would be much better if I add few more elements to it. 

I think Im going to leave this painting and might work more on it after doing few more other paintings. 

TUESDAY

I switched to working with wood for the new painting. 

Working with  canvas, and creating background, I realised that the hardness of the wood is necessary for the painting to be successful for this project.

I like how the wood soaks the oil painting and also how its very easy to create layer and dries quite quickly. 

I'm thinking of recreating the painting I did on 15/3/19 thinking about what kind of elements I can add to make that one better

FRIDAY

Tried adding the 'red milk canvas' to this painting. 

The combination of the wood painting and the canvas actually goes well. I thought there will be a huge gap between the canvas and wood painting, but for now the painting is unified with softness.

side ways

(like how the canvas is folded because it creates small movement to the painting, and because the letter LIM is shown, it might create the viewer wanting to know what is written)

 WORKING WITH SECOND PAINTING

I focused more on creating good surface/background

Tried adding the word 'red milk' just simply by subtracting the green paint on the surface and using oil paint with hard brush. 

I like how the texture of the word was created and looks a bit 3D. 

I painted another layer of blue on top of the painting to bring unity to the painting. 

However, I thought it would be interesting to remove the 'red milk' sign where no paint was added except for the first red layer. 

It created a big blank space in the painting but still very bright and eye-catching. 
I think this blank is interesting because it looks like the part where I added red paint after, where in fact it is the part that shows the painting I did first.

I tried using spray paint to play with the word 'red milk' and see how it would turn out. 

It could be because of the colour contrast, but the painting overall look neon and not really painting painting, but more graffiti style. 

I think I'm not going to use this as the final work, as it is too direct and does not have space for the audience to come in.